My prayers this week have been geared toward a couple of things but mostly geared toward the future. I have been praying for CBC, it's growth, how we are going to deal with the growth that is coming whether we like it or not, and that it grows for the glory of God. Also I have been praying for my place here at CBC and what's next for me.
I recently came to the conclusion that at work even at CBC I am so concentrated on what I am expected and required to do for my job and not what God needs me to do. A few months back I used my job as an excuse to not go on a mission trip. So now I'm putting aside me and even though my job is important, I'm going to do what God needs me to do and stop making excuses. With that conclusion brought on the prayer for my place at CBC. I love this place truly but am I helping? Is God using me here? I'm not sure...I can't really see it. I would never leave just to leave. I don't desire to leave CBC and hope God keeps me here but I am just not sure what he has in store for me or if He is using me here or if I'm just here because I'm comfortable here.
Listening to a song..."I Stand" by Idina Menzel it just described exactly what I feel right now.
Here are the lyrics:
When you ask me, who I am:
What is my vision? And do I have a plan?
Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?
I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
And I don't know
What tomorrow brings
The road less traveled
Will it set us free?
Cause we are taking it slow,
These tiny legacies.
I don't try and change the world;
But what will you make of me?
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
With the slightest of breezes
We fall just like leaves
As the rain washes us from the ground
We forget who we are
We can't see in the dark
And we quickly get lost in the crowd
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway. I was reminded of this song on Thursday night and it has been on my mind. I don't know what's next. I don't have a plan. I do know God has a better place and he will be the hero that saves me and takes me to that better place one day.
Anywho, Friday night a friend in just casual conversation talks about how we as humans ten
d to forget that God uses us in not only the big ways but often in little bitty ways that we tend to forget about or that we may not even be aware of yet. - That is exactly what I needed to hear! See I was praying that God lead me to my big thing. That God show me where He needs me to work or serve to accomplish big things for Him. My friend reminded that The little things matter! The little things we do that we may not be aware that make a difference..they matter and are very important!
This world makes a big deal out of the big things..the big accomplishments...forgetting and not recognizing the little things that may be changing lives.. so naturally as humans we desire to be recognized for a big accomplishment(s) in our life. I had myself convinced that I need to do big things for God for Him to recognize it...to be working truly for Him that I needed to be doing big things. Serving in a Big way...So silly, I know, like God would love me less if I didn't do something big. I just know that I am capable of doing so much more than I am. I just don't feel God leading me to do anything different right now. But I've struggled with the thought of is God leading me and I am not accepting what he wants me to do bc I'm scared or does he have me where he needs me right now doing what he needs me to do.
Today in bible study as we discussed spiritual gifts we read
1 Corinthians 12:4-7
- There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.
Then Ephesians 1:11-12
- In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.Then Ephesians 1:18 (Paul is praying)
- I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.It was so funny because all these verses were touching home for me today...what has been on my mind about the ME part of my prayer this week I felt like God was telling me that I'm being used in small ways and that's ok. That's how He is working through me right now. He works out everything and I have been predestined to do works for Him even the little things that I may not see. Paul's prayer really did help enlighten the eyes of my heart to piece things together so that I may be reminded of God's grace.
Today after Beth Moore spoke of the many spiritual gifts, I was asking myself what is my true spiritual gift....I don't really know. I have never seen myself as gifted in one certain area. If someone was to ask me to write my one spiritual gift...i really don't think i could write anything.
Maybe others see it, but I just don't. I'm sure God is using qualities of my personality and heart for Him...I just can't name that one spiritual gift. Is that bad?
We often are trying to seek recognition and a pat on the back for our good works...
We've already received our gifts/our pat on the back...our gift was salvation through Jesus Christ..now we are just to serve in thanks to God for that. That's the least we can do.
But...after being reminded from scripture and my friend...God sees those little things. The little things that are working through me for Him to help people that I may never know that I helped. God sees it and that's all I needed to hear.
None of us are insignificant. Whether our gifts or actions big or small. God knows our true heart. We just have to keep our heart in the right place and don't let the evil one or this world convince us that we are anything less than significant in God's eyes.
Lord, you are so amazing how you present things to us right when we need to hear them. Thank you!
p.s.-....this blog is kind of all over the place at times and I apologize...I just reread it and decided that I'm just going to leave it and say....welcome to my mind :)
