What if

Today I have been running a lot of "What if"s in my head.

What if ...God has something way bigger planned for me for this trip than I can imagine. (which I'm sure He does)
What if ...He is calling me to more than just this trip.  Am I ready or prepared for that?
What if ...He has kept me single for this exact moment for a reason. What if He calls me to move there?
What if ...
What if ...He is preparing my heart for adoption. What will that look like?
What if ...He is simply humbling me about the realities of the world. How can I make a difference?
What if ...He is opening my eyes. He works through ALL situations!
What if ...He introduces me to the man of my dreams. What?
What if ...
What if ...Jimmy never makes a move. He probably won't.  Nice only goes so far. Get off the couch boy!
What if ...they decrease my pay at CBC. It could happen.
What if ...I move out of the dorm.  Do I get a roommate? It has consumed my life the past four years. If I'm lonely now, if I move out how lonely would I be then.
What if ...God simply strengthens me, changes me, grows me.  I sure hope so!

I keep running these scriptures through my head. 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-7

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Welcome to today's thoughts.... :)

On my heart

In October 2010, Fellowship was seeking individuals to join the mission team for a week long trip to go help at an orphanage in Nicaragua in November that year.  Right then God reached out and shook me.  He got my attention that I didn't have to be a gifted teacher to go on a mission trip.  They really needed people to go show the love of Christ to these Nica children.  I thought to myself....I could do that!  I love kids!  Yet I made excuses about timing and work and other things.  I even touched on the topic (along with many other things) in a blog I posted on November 7th, 2010.

God has kept this on my heart though.  

Every time another opportunity arose, the church would advertise that they were putting together a team for another trip and that there was a spot for everyone who was being called to go. Yet I made up excuses about timing and other things every single time...and maybe the timing was wrong.  

But He kept it on my heart.

A year ago almost to the date I met with Ken (my pastor) to talk about baptism.  I had really been focusing on my walk with God and digging into the word and wanted to fulfill all that God calls me to do and at that time I felt God pushing me to make that declaration of faith through baptism even though I was not a "new" believer.  I want to be obedient to all that God is calling His people to do.  So I talked with Ken after I had thought about it, researched it, prayed about it, and after talking with Ken I committed to do it.  I then got to ask a few very special people to join me on stage as I made this declaration of faith in front of the church.  And it was beyond a blessing. (I blogged about it on March 25th, 2012).

My point in bringing that up is to say that God had something on my heart and I didn't leave it be.  I planned then to start not letting the ways of this world get in the way of what He was, is, and is going to do in my life.  And when He speaks to listen.  But then came trials...

I haven't blogged in a long time because I'm going to throw out the excuse of being busy.  However, The true answer is God has blessed me with many different things and many different people in my life and along with that of course comes trials especially when some of those people are not following God.  I'm not going to blame others for my faults because I am just as much of a sinner as others.  But when the time arose that I was able to blog throughout the past year, most of the time I had negative feelings about my situation and about myself.  I chose not to vent because even though venting is good it also stirs negativeness in the soul.  If I didn't have anything nice to say I chose to not say anything at all.  In some cases it has been that I could not even see God's hand in making my situation better and that wasn't a good place to be.  The devil has been working super hard to change my mind from what I know God has convicted me of not letting the world get in the way of what He is doing.  Some days I let the devil get too much of me.  But every day I'm clinging to the cross!

Deep down He still had it on my heart...

January 2013....The church announced that the early 2013 trip to Nicaragua would be during spring break.  God shook me...Again!  "Sarah this is your chance."  The church had an interest meeting but I had an event during that time with my Res Life staff for spring training which was something that I couldn't miss because I was leading it.  But this time it was very heavy on my heart to go.  So I needed more information.  I knew that my friend and mentor Charlotte was going and had been before so I texted her to get information.  I had already planned to have lunch with her the next week so she said she would just bring me information about it then.  She also told the pastor that I was interested and he sent me information.  At this point I have only one excuse holding me back from this trip...I had already booked and made plans for spring break.  I was excited about it too.  Daytona Beach! Beachside condo!  A week of relaxing!  However, after hearing about the Nicaragua trip, I wasn't as excited about the beach.  To lay quietly on the beach or make a difference in a child's life....is there really an option?  The beach is amazing and I could always use some time of rest BUT will the timing ever fit perfectly in my work schedule to go on this Nicaragua trip.  Well while I was eating with my friend and as she was telling me about the trip, our associate pastor approached us for a moment and he just asked me if there really was anything that's holding me back.  I just don't have a good enough excuse.  The condo could be canceled.  Yes I would lose some money but is a little bit of money really worth stopping me from going on what may be a trip of a lifetime or the start of a journey of many trips...who knows what God has planned.  I prayed and thought about it.  If I went and laid on the beach, I would have regretted every minute.  God has it on my heart for a reason. So I said yes! 

The world and the devil want to consume me but they lose that battle because I am His!  God has been teaching me that prayer and faith in Him will result in Him showing me "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21). 

I sent out letters for support and prayer for my trip just a few weeks ago.  I prayed over those letters and talked with God about it for a long time.  I just asked that people give what they can but most importantly pray!  I knew that a large percentage of who I sent the letters to would not be able to send much if any at all.  I also knew that a large majority of the people loved me but may not normally give to church functions.  So I had faith that the trip was going to be taken care of even if that meant me digging into some of my savings for part of it.  I knew God had it taken care of one way or the other even if He had blessed me with the ability to have some money in savings to be able to use on this trip.  Well, I was notified on Tuesday that my trip is completely paid for through what I have received in support.  I literally am speechless still!  Ephesians 3:20-21 in real life!  Wow, God!  Wow! God!  Thank you!!!  I'm so very thankful that my family and friends gave so much...I just can't explain or express the appreciation I have for this.  You are all a true blessing!!!

I pray that God's will be done in this Nicaragua trip and that we don't let ourselves get in the way of what He has planned.  I pray for the people who gave to my trip that they may reap blessings themselves that bring them to their knees in thanksgiving the way these blessings have brought me.  And I pray that He keeps placing things on my heart and that I listen and obey.

I love you all!
Sarah Headley