He out gives

Our God will always out give anything He takes.
- Beth Moore stated this in her 'The Inheritance' bible study.
For some reason this morning sitting in bible study, I really needed to hear this.

I've been thinking about my Granny Grace Gaines a lot lately. Just her name makes me cry.
She was such an AMAZING woman of God. Whenever I hear someone refer to God's grace, I immediately think of her...God's Grace. I know that is not what the preacher is talking about but it's always what comes to mind. Also whenever I hear the song Amazing Grace, I think of her....unending love, amazing Grace.

She really was amazing. Serving others was something she did her entire life until cancer hindered her from getting out of bed to do so. I remember her serving at church, at the nursing home, in so many organizations that I can't even remember them all. She was constantly serving the neighbors, and all her kids and grand kids even those that took advantage of her service and kindness. She did it anyway. She didn't want any recognition...she didn't want any money...she just did it bc that's who God made her to be. I looked up to her so much then and still now and love and miss her so very much!

I remember like it was yesterday when we were in the hospital and the doctor came out to tell us that the cancer had spread so much in her that there was no more they could do...it was a long hard battle for her and watching her die was so tough. Even though I knew she was going to die, it was still so hard to let go.

The day of her funeral I was holding back the tears as usual..trying to be strong. When a friend of mine started singing Amazing Grace as asked to do so by my uncle. I remember bursting into tears and sobbing uncontrollably before she got to the chorus. God's Amazing Grace..the sweet sound of her voice..who brought me to believe the love of God. I didn't want to say good bye to that. But I did what I had to do. I didn't go to church for a year after that and it was 3 years before I stepped foot in her church again. I can't remember why. I guess because I didn't want to be there without her. It wasnt that I was mad at God..I don't ever remember being mad. I know and knew she's in heaven with my Papa and Jesus right where she belongs. She lived a great life here on earth so I understood that God just called her home.

Someone told me the other day that I have many of the same qualities that Mrs. Grace Gaines did. I just smiled, shrugged off like I disagreed, and said thank you. It took everything in my power to not burst into tears. I am so far away from the amazing woman that she was. I can only pray that God blesses me with being half the woman she was.

so...back to that quote...Our God will always out give anything He takes.
He took a Godly woman out of my life 12 years ago....when at that time she was the only Godly influence in my life it seemed. Well even if it took 12 years for God to out give what He took from me even though He will never replace my granny...He has placed some Amazing Godly women in my life today...not just one...not just two...A LOT!
Just to name a few...Paige, Alicia, Rhonda, Betty, Deborah Grace, Danielle, Seana, Meagan East, Meagan Youngblood, Sancy.....I could keep listing because there are so many beautifully designed Godly women in my life that I admire and adore.
These women some young in their walk and some much more wise in faith are so awesome! God's light shines through them whether they know it or not. I see it daily. And the light that they hold has helped me walk through the darkest times...the light of God shone through a friend. Some of them don't even know how much they have helped me by just being themselves...by just being kind. Others, I've told a million times and are probably tired of me constantly reminding them. :)

In a previous blog I mentioned that sometimes I feel like the only support team I have is just God...well, I was totally wrong. It may not be the kind of support team that I want bc I'm not leading that team to control what it does or which direction it goes...God is! I know that it's the kind of support team that God wants me to have.

I am so thankful that God out gives...He has been so gracious to me!
I know I don't deserve all that He has given me but He has blessed me so very much.

Lord, thank you!!!

Kindness

Kindness is not a weakness, Sarah. Kindness is not a weakness.

It's funny that even weeks later after the Beth Moore simulcast that this is on my mind because I have to remind myself of this sometimes.

In a job interview once I actually listed being too kind as one of my weaknesses.

Why do I think this?
I guess because this world especially the business world displays kindness as a weakness most of the time. When something goes wrong, this world immediately wants to attach it..criticize it for it's action...condemn and punish. So if someone is kind to those people during that time some individuals see kindness as a weakness to not be able make right what was wrong. I just disagree with that approach to the problem. Often when something goes wrong or if someone or something seems like it is going bad or causing a stir, I often wonder what is going on in the heart of the problems source. As a person dealing with a lot of girls, I have found it true that often someone that is always in the middle of trouble or starting drama or leading most arguments are the ones that need loved the most. They are crying out. Often those actions are turning people away but really they are just needing love.

As Christians we (i'm talking to myself too) need to quit running away from the fire and the fight but instead run right into it and trust that God will equip us with what we need to do his work to love on others and to make it out of this challenge glorifying Him.

I'm not perfect by any means and sometimes even I am guilty of pushing people away and/or filling my life with more work and distractions during my hardest and toughest times just because my heart hurts too much to face reality. Sometimes we push people away when we really are just hoping that the people in our lives will pull us back..show us that we are needed and wanted and cared for. But when no one is pulling you back..when no one is showing you that you are needed, doesn't it break your heart...it does mine!
Personally it makes me feel as if I am not showing God's light enough that makes people need me or want me in their life and that is a painful truth. It also breaks my heart to learn that even though people voice their love and/or friendship with me publicly that when i reach out or need building up that they aren't even looking my direction to see that my cup is empty. God always fills it enough so I can make it through the days though.

God sends us to be support teams for each other. I often wonder, what if my team is just me and God...it sure does make life harder on earth but I can't complain about this kind of pain. God sent His only son to die for us! Jesus was beaten, tortured, spitted upon then nailed through each hand and feet and then he hung on those nails and bled and died for us...now that's pain...
why do we complain...i have no grounds for complaint bc mine does not compare to His.

He never said that this life would be easy. He just said He'd see us through it.

Beth Moore did say that kindness wears down when we do. I think this often happens to me. I can feel myself wearing down now and since I love building others up, encouraging, and helping whenever I can...i'm draining my cup...yet daily i still have enough to encourage someone else... And it's those times when no one is there to help me up that I cry out to God the most. He is the best support and encourager of all. I'm thankful He's on my team. :)

I often don't voice my hurts or troubles to people. I think mainly because I'm being too kind. I try to help and want everyone to be happy and have great days so I don't share my pain because I think why bother them with my troubles..that just makes the day gloomy. If I talk about my pain, it often brings tears (the joys of being a girl). As a youth my dad scolded me and scolded me that crying shows weakness and we should be strong. So I became this strong girl that kept my tears for my pillow after the lights go out at night for no one to know about. It really is a hard habit to break out of. I want to be more open with my emotions but it's a work in progress.

Kindness....do i believe that it's not a weakness...I'm working on it.