I was excited about camp ahead of time but I don't think I ever prepared my heart for it. I went into it with excitement knowing what was required of me job wise and looking forward to meeting and hanging out with all these amazing campers and staffers. I did have a great time and got to meet some awesome people and got to hang out with some campers and staffers that I've been at camp with before. I also got to spend a little time with some awesome ladies who I love so dearly...the cooks. :)
It was a great week! However, I feel like each day flew by and I didn't get to do and go and serve in all the entities that I have in past years. I'm just not sure where the time went. I did get to visit with a few neighbors though and I did get to haul lumber, use a hammer, a paint brush, and got dirty so it wasn't a week wasted.
However, I should've prepared my heart more...I didn't expect my heart to be broken and to ache so much for some of the people we were serving. I didn't prepare myself to have to fight tears back as one of the campers explained to our group at sharing time that the little boy at their house didn't know who Jesus was. I didn't expect songs that I have heard a thousand times to knock me off my feet into prayer.
I'm not sure that I have ever prayed as much as I did during that week of OMP. I often found myself on the dock at the lake praying, worshiping with prayer, starring at the canopy of trees outside with the sun peaking through...praying, in a car full of people...I was praying. I just was full of thankfulness and mainly found myself constantly thanking Him for all the people and things around me.
I could tell my heart was crying very loudly to God and it wasn't something I prepared and planned to do. He was crying out to me through all these people and things as well.
I've been struggling lately really my whole life with feeling love. I'm just one of the worker bees that blends in with the crowd. I don't stand out with my looks or my actions. I blend in. In a world where it is cool, encouraged, and praised to be one who stands out and are extreme. I find it harder to see my importance in everything I participate in because I don't stand out. Even though I notice this I still don't desire to change to assure that I get noticed. I know God made me the way He made me for a reason and I don't want to be anyone but me and I refuse to change myself for anyone but Him. Months ago He called me to step out in faith for Him so I got baptized. That was an amazing experience! I may be the only one that remembers that day and that's ok. It was for Him. After that experience, I'm not sure why in the back of my mind I expected life to get easier. In fact it quickly became harder and is still hard. Being the stubborn person I am...I refuse to ask for help. The encouraging people in my life are busy and I don't get to see them as much as I feel their need in my life. God has pushed me and continues to tell me through scripture and did through OMP that He is all I need. He has been there since my first disappointment...since my first pain...since my first tear. His word is the encouragement that I need. Sure friends and fellow believers who build each other up are a blessing but not a necessity for difficult times or any time for that matter.
I wish I could remember the names of the songs that sent tears rolling down my face at OMP. I have racked my brain but it isn't coming to mind. I can't even remember the exact words of the lyrics. It basically pretty much said or whatever it said spoke directly to my heart saying I AM here. I got you. Everything is going to be ok. There is nothing wrong with you because I made you. Yes you are a sinner but bring it to me and let me have it. Quit holding the burdens of your sin after you confess them. Let go. I have been with you this whole time even when it seemed as if everyone left. I AM here for you. I am yours and you are Mine. Call out to Me for help. I will always be right here.
As you can tell, I'm still a work in progress and I don't want anyone to ever think that just because I work at CBC, step out and get baptized as an adult, work at mission project camps, and crave to serve anyone and everyone I can that I have it all together. I don't! Quite far from that actually. I do crave to grow and be better though because many days of my life I do feel like He is all I have...but He is all I need so I want to strive to be closer to Him.
OMP this year didn't necessarily teach me any specific thing that wasn't already stirring in my heart. The speakers were wonderful and encouraging and challenging though and I will forever carry their words with me through daily life. The staff were great and our meetings and prayer sessions were such an amazing blessing. The simple time spent and conversation with my sweet friends (the wonderful cooks) were so comforting. I feel so relaxed and at home with them even when they are full of energy and silliness. I love them so much and I can't even describe why. God just put them in my path and I love them more every single day like they were my family.
I may not have come out of the week with an amazing new insight and mission but it sure was a wonderful time for me to be still and just be me. To actually hear Him and to actually listen. To be with Him and His people. I'm so thankful for my amazing heavenly Father, His amazing people, and His grace filled days that He blesses us with.
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