It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry to if it happened to you.
As the tears continued to flow Friday evening, a friend reminded me of that song. It was so appropriate for my pity party. lol
Again I chose to listen when the devil whispered. Again I pleaded, WHY? Why am I alone? Why do none of my friends seem to care? Why...Why...Why?
-What a baby! What am I, 2 years old? So many questions and even when given the answer...even when I know the answer, I still ask why.
God reminded me...."Sarah, it's not about you. This world isn't here to help you fulfill your needs and wants. These people aren't here for You. It's about God. It's all here for Him because of Him. Sarah, you are here to serve Him and everything else is just to help you or strengthen you along the way." It was a nice smack in the face by God.
My friend told me that we are all allowed to have a pity party every once in a while...is it bad that mine has lasted a week.
I think it's over now. :)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
He says serve!
God uses all kinds of things to speak to us. Like Mandisa's song God Speaking says - Who knows how He'll get ahold of us, get our attention to prove He is enough. He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to to tell us 'I Love You'. So as this song brought tears to my eyes this afternoon as I reflected on the morning service and music that the lyrics just dwelled in my heart and mind. He was pretty much telling me.."Hey, do you not see that I am speaking to you?"
Tonight I went to church for FAD and as many nights the music itself brings me to my knees as it speaks directly to my heart. After the music, we watched a video of a sermon that was preached the Sunday after 9/11..Run for Your Life. As humans we tend to run away from our problems..run away from everything we are afraid of...we should all be like many of the firemen and policemen during 9/11 that as everyone was running away they were running towards the chaos...running to help those in need.
This spoke so clearly... that we need to "Stop!" If we don't attempt to help the people that need it, then the building (or the devil) will come crashing down on them and kill them. Shouldn't we at least Try to help them.
God has really spoke to me today through songs..through the messages at Fellowship Bible Church both this morning and this evening...through that video...that it just clicked**God is speaking. He is telling me that I need to serve. I mean sure I serve some but not like He has called me to serve. I can think of a thousand excuses not to because heaven forbid my work schedule allow anything else to be added to my life but that is just not a good excuse to use to not serve.
I remember about a month ago one Sunday morning in service Bro. Ken spoke of going to Nicaragua on a mission trip and that they needed a few more people to come along not to teach but to just love on the kids and do arts and crafts and things. God started stirring in my heart then. He was telling me 'Hey Sarah, you can and should totally do that!". But knowing that it was mid-semester, I disregarded this rumbling in my heart and didn't think more about going on this trip. I didn't even ask about it.
Well... He is still rumbling in my heart. Maybe not to Nicaragua in October but He is calling me to as Galatians 5:13 says 'You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.'
So now that I finally get the message...what do I do now?
If you know me, I am not very outspoken...I'm not one to lead much conversation. It's not that I am unable or unwilling. It is just my nature to listen and take in, to comfort, and to love more than to speak. Yes, I need to be more outspoken because quietness does turn some people away. Anywho, my point is that clearly I am not called to minister the word to the nations...but it doesn't mean that I can't show them that God loves every one of us! The past few years He has really taught me how to love better and more willingly to love everyone that comes into my life. However, He is still helping and teaching me to love without expecting love in return (that's the hard part).
1 Peter 4:10-11 says "As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God; whoever serves, let him do so as by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."
I don't know what this means for me...or for my future. I don't know if He wants me to stay at CBC forever or if He will send me elsewhere. I am not going to say that I am definitely going on or not going on a mission trip. I chose to not take that opportunity when He stirred in my heart to go and who knows if He will give me that urge again. But there are people to serve everywhere in this world even just down the street, in this dorm, in this state, and even in our church. I do not know what He holds for my life but I know I will serve Him until the day I die and He takes me home.
Matthew 24:36 says - “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
My response is that I can only try not to use my daily life as an excuse to not listen when God speaks and calls me. I must keep listening and be open to all possibilities to serve Him, for Him, and through Him.
Tonight I went to church for FAD and as many nights the music itself brings me to my knees as it speaks directly to my heart. After the music, we watched a video of a sermon that was preached the Sunday after 9/11..Run for Your Life. As humans we tend to run away from our problems..run away from everything we are afraid of...we should all be like many of the firemen and policemen during 9/11 that as everyone was running away they were running towards the chaos...running to help those in need.
This spoke so clearly... that we need to "Stop!" If we don't attempt to help the people that need it, then the building (or the devil) will come crashing down on them and kill them. Shouldn't we at least Try to help them.
God has really spoke to me today through songs..through the messages at Fellowship Bible Church both this morning and this evening...through that video...that it just clicked**God is speaking. He is telling me that I need to serve. I mean sure I serve some but not like He has called me to serve. I can think of a thousand excuses not to because heaven forbid my work schedule allow anything else to be added to my life but that is just not a good excuse to use to not serve.
I remember about a month ago one Sunday morning in service Bro. Ken spoke of going to Nicaragua on a mission trip and that they needed a few more people to come along not to teach but to just love on the kids and do arts and crafts and things. God started stirring in my heart then. He was telling me 'Hey Sarah, you can and should totally do that!". But knowing that it was mid-semester, I disregarded this rumbling in my heart and didn't think more about going on this trip. I didn't even ask about it.
Well... He is still rumbling in my heart. Maybe not to Nicaragua in October but He is calling me to as Galatians 5:13 says 'You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.'
So now that I finally get the message...what do I do now?
If you know me, I am not very outspoken...I'm not one to lead much conversation. It's not that I am unable or unwilling. It is just my nature to listen and take in, to comfort, and to love more than to speak. Yes, I need to be more outspoken because quietness does turn some people away. Anywho, my point is that clearly I am not called to minister the word to the nations...but it doesn't mean that I can't show them that God loves every one of us! The past few years He has really taught me how to love better and more willingly to love everyone that comes into my life. However, He is still helping and teaching me to love without expecting love in return (that's the hard part).
1 Peter 4:10-11 says "As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God; whoever serves, let him do so as by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."
I don't know what this means for me...or for my future. I don't know if He wants me to stay at CBC forever or if He will send me elsewhere. I am not going to say that I am definitely going on or not going on a mission trip. I chose to not take that opportunity when He stirred in my heart to go and who knows if He will give me that urge again. But there are people to serve everywhere in this world even just down the street, in this dorm, in this state, and even in our church. I do not know what He holds for my life but I know I will serve Him until the day I die and He takes me home.
Matthew 24:36 says - “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
My response is that I can only try not to use my daily life as an excuse to not listen when God speaks and calls me. I must keep listening and be open to all possibilities to serve Him, for Him, and through Him.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The devil whispers
It's been a month...I am slacking on my blogging....I've had a few days here and there that I had a lot I wanted to share but never got the time to actually sit down to do it.
Work at CBC has really been life consuming this past month. Cramming to finish all the housing stuff in order to get ready for move in.. was stressful but we knew God would be there to make it all come together. Then the kick off of school and activities and clubs...lots of work.
God blessed me with an AMAZING staff of RAs though. They are wonderful people and great Godly women! Yes, many of them I knew pretty good going into RA training but I learned so much more about them that week...about their heart! It just amazes me these wonderful college students and their walk with God. I wasn't bad when I was in college but I was no where near where they are! They blessed me so much just in the first week...it's going to be a great year! God is definitely working through these students whether they know it or not. His light is shining through them so brightly.
After praying so much for this semester, the students, and our jobs...the first week of school 2 people were saved. It also reopened my eyes to the fact that everyone we encounter in our lives don't own a bible. The 2 girls that were saved didn't...many people on each floor doesn't personally own a bible. So I was for sure that as a group, our faculty and staff had bibles they could donate so I sent out an email. It's amazing the bibles that rolled in and that were purchased. With these we can start with our students and hopefully (if approved) we would like to take what is left out to the streets to people in need. One of our chapel speakers, Dustin Wisely, mentioned that we can only argue and/or tell about our beliefs with people to a certain extent but the best defense..the best tool to sharing God is to share His word..to share the Bible.
This past few weeks even though I am working for a Christian college and surrounded by God daily, I feel like I've dug myself in a rut it seems. Concentrating on work and activities and these kids...not on me...not on God! I mean I haven't just gone savage...I pray daily in many situations and for many people. I just haven't been living to seek Him and to always study and strive to become closer to Him...I feel like I've dug myself in a rut of comfort. I know He's there kinda thing....I know He's working...I see Him moving in these kids as they are growing here...a comfort rut as to why-change-a-good-thing attitude.
I have a bad habit of setting Me aside and helping and making sure everyone else around me is ok and help i like to help work on them. Then my own problems, worries, fears, thoughts just constantly start building up in my mind preventing me from getting good rest when I actually have down time. Then the devil starts whispering in my ear telling me that I'm not good enough..that my friends don't really care (I know they do. It's the silent times when I'm alone that the devil whispers these things in my ear)..that if i can't keep/get my friends to love me then why would a man want to love me...that no one cares that i enjoy doing things for people(if they don't respond with even acting grateful, is it worth it?)...that I shouldnt be at a job that I am totally not qualified to do.
So I know that I should do this more often than when I'm hurting but...I embedded myself in scripture. God spoke directly through His word (even some common scriptures jumped out) which is what has helped me work through what's dwelling in my heart.
Verses that stood out:
Phillipians 4:13(For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength)
...and Proverbs 3:5 (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding)
...and Luke 6:35(...do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back...)
...and Isaiah 41:10(So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.)
...and of course Philippians 4:6-7(Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus!!)
...and we can't forget Romans 5:8(But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.)
Now you know the troubles in my heart.
At least one week out of the month, I beat myself up more..I listen harder to that devil whispering in my ear..I cry because I feel unworthy.
It's going to be ok though...because deep down I know that God already won this fight for us. I'm not worthy but He sent His son anyways. I just need to try harder to seek Him and to study His word daily..not just for inspirational purposes.
As a sinner...as a person falling to the feet of Christ asking from forgiveness yet again...as a friend, I ask for prayers not just for me but for everyone around us that the devil seems to be whispering to. For those who may not turn to His word for uplifting reminders. For everyone to be reminded that God has got our back. :) That even though we are not worthy of His love...He loves us anyways!
Thanks, I love you!
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