The devil whispers

It's been a month...I am slacking on my blogging....I've had a few days here and there that I had a lot I wanted to share but never got the time to actually sit down to do it.

Work at CBC has really been life consuming this past month. Cramming to finish all the housing stuff in order to get ready for move in.. was stressful but we knew God would be there to make it all come together. Then the kick off of school and activities and clubs...lots of work.

God blessed me with an AMAZING staff of RAs though. They are wonderful people and great Godly women! Yes, many of them I knew pretty good going into RA training but I learned so much more about them that week...about their heart! It just amazes me these wonderful college students and their walk with God. I wasn't bad when I was in college but I was no where near where they are! They blessed me so much just in the first week...it's going to be a great year! God is definitely working through these students whether they know it or not. His light is shining through them so brightly.

After praying so much for this semester, the students, and our jobs...the first week of school 2 people were saved. It also reopened my eyes to the fact that everyone we encounter in our lives don't own a bible. The 2 girls that were saved didn't...many people on each floor doesn't personally own a bible. So I was for sure that as a group, our faculty and staff had bibles they could donate so I sent out an email. It's amazing the bibles that rolled in and that were purchased. With these we can start with our students and hopefully (if approved) we would like to take what is left out to the streets to people in need. One of our chapel speakers, Dustin Wisely, mentioned that we can only argue and/or tell about our beliefs with people to a certain extent but the best defense..the best tool to sharing God is to share His word..to share the Bible.

This past few weeks even though I am working for a Christian college and surrounded by God daily, I feel like I've dug myself in a rut it seems. Concentrating on work and activities and these kids...not on me...not on God! I mean I haven't just gone savage...I pray daily in many situations and for many people. I just haven't been living to seek Him and to always study and strive to become closer to Him...I feel like I've dug myself in a rut of comfort. I know He's there kinda thing....I know He's working...I see Him moving in these kids as they are growing here...a comfort rut as to why-change-a-good-thing attitude.

I have a bad habit of setting Me aside and helping and making sure everyone else around me is ok and help i like to help work on them. Then my own problems, worries, fears, thoughts just constantly start building up in my mind preventing me from getting good rest when I actually have down time. Then the devil starts whispering in my ear telling me that I'm not good enough..that my friends don't really care (I know they do. It's the silent times when I'm alone that the devil whispers these things in my ear)..that if i can't keep/get my friends to love me then why would a man want to love me...that no one cares that i enjoy doing things for people(if they don't respond with even acting grateful, is it worth it?)...that I shouldnt be at a job that I am totally not qualified to do.

So I know that I should do this more often than when I'm hurting but...I embedded myself in scripture. God spoke directly through His word (even some common scriptures jumped out) which is what has helped me work through what's dwelling in my heart.

Verses that stood out:
Phillipians 4:13(For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength)

...and Proverbs 3:5 (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding)

...and Luke 6:35(...do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back...)

...and Isaiah 41:10(So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.)

...and of course Philippians 4:6-7(Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus!!)

...and we can't forget Romans 5:8(But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.)

Now you know the troubles in my heart.
At least one week out of the month, I beat myself up more..I listen harder to that devil whispering in my ear..I cry because I feel unworthy.
It's going to be ok though...because deep down I know that God already won this fight for us. I'm not worthy but He sent His son anyways. I just need to try harder to seek Him and to study His word daily..not just for inspirational purposes.

As a sinner...as a person falling to the feet of Christ asking from forgiveness yet again...as a friend, I ask for prayers not just for me but for everyone around us that the devil seems to be whispering to. For those who may not turn to His word for uplifting reminders. For everyone to be reminded that God has got our back. :) That even though we are not worthy of His love...He loves us anyways!
Thanks, I love you!