It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry to if it happened to you.
As the tears continued to flow Friday evening, a friend reminded me of that song. It was so appropriate for my pity party. lol
Again I chose to listen when the devil whispered. Again I pleaded, WHY? Why am I alone? Why do none of my friends seem to care? Why...Why...Why?
-What a baby! What am I, 2 years old? So many questions and even when given the answer...even when I know the answer, I still ask why.
God reminded me...."Sarah, it's not about you. This world isn't here to help you fulfill your needs and wants. These people aren't here for You. It's about God. It's all here for Him because of Him. Sarah, you are here to serve Him and everything else is just to help you or strengthen you along the way." It was a nice smack in the face by God.
My friend told me that we are all allowed to have a pity party every once in a while...is it bad that mine has lasted a week.
I think it's over now. :)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
He says serve!
God uses all kinds of things to speak to us. Like Mandisa's song God Speaking says - Who knows how He'll get ahold of us, get our attention to prove He is enough. He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to to tell us 'I Love You'. So as this song brought tears to my eyes this afternoon as I reflected on the morning service and music that the lyrics just dwelled in my heart and mind. He was pretty much telling me.."Hey, do you not see that I am speaking to you?"
Tonight I went to church for FAD and as many nights the music itself brings me to my knees as it speaks directly to my heart. After the music, we watched a video of a sermon that was preached the Sunday after 9/11..Run for Your Life. As humans we tend to run away from our problems..run away from everything we are afraid of...we should all be like many of the firemen and policemen during 9/11 that as everyone was running away they were running towards the chaos...running to help those in need.
This spoke so clearly... that we need to "Stop!" If we don't attempt to help the people that need it, then the building (or the devil) will come crashing down on them and kill them. Shouldn't we at least Try to help them.
God has really spoke to me today through songs..through the messages at Fellowship Bible Church both this morning and this evening...through that video...that it just clicked**God is speaking. He is telling me that I need to serve. I mean sure I serve some but not like He has called me to serve. I can think of a thousand excuses not to because heaven forbid my work schedule allow anything else to be added to my life but that is just not a good excuse to use to not serve.
I remember about a month ago one Sunday morning in service Bro. Ken spoke of going to Nicaragua on a mission trip and that they needed a few more people to come along not to teach but to just love on the kids and do arts and crafts and things. God started stirring in my heart then. He was telling me 'Hey Sarah, you can and should totally do that!". But knowing that it was mid-semester, I disregarded this rumbling in my heart and didn't think more about going on this trip. I didn't even ask about it.
Well... He is still rumbling in my heart. Maybe not to Nicaragua in October but He is calling me to as Galatians 5:13 says 'You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.'
So now that I finally get the message...what do I do now?
If you know me, I am not very outspoken...I'm not one to lead much conversation. It's not that I am unable or unwilling. It is just my nature to listen and take in, to comfort, and to love more than to speak. Yes, I need to be more outspoken because quietness does turn some people away. Anywho, my point is that clearly I am not called to minister the word to the nations...but it doesn't mean that I can't show them that God loves every one of us! The past few years He has really taught me how to love better and more willingly to love everyone that comes into my life. However, He is still helping and teaching me to love without expecting love in return (that's the hard part).
1 Peter 4:10-11 says "As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God; whoever serves, let him do so as by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."
I don't know what this means for me...or for my future. I don't know if He wants me to stay at CBC forever or if He will send me elsewhere. I am not going to say that I am definitely going on or not going on a mission trip. I chose to not take that opportunity when He stirred in my heart to go and who knows if He will give me that urge again. But there are people to serve everywhere in this world even just down the street, in this dorm, in this state, and even in our church. I do not know what He holds for my life but I know I will serve Him until the day I die and He takes me home.
Matthew 24:36 says - “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
My response is that I can only try not to use my daily life as an excuse to not listen when God speaks and calls me. I must keep listening and be open to all possibilities to serve Him, for Him, and through Him.
Tonight I went to church for FAD and as many nights the music itself brings me to my knees as it speaks directly to my heart. After the music, we watched a video of a sermon that was preached the Sunday after 9/11..Run for Your Life. As humans we tend to run away from our problems..run away from everything we are afraid of...we should all be like many of the firemen and policemen during 9/11 that as everyone was running away they were running towards the chaos...running to help those in need.
This spoke so clearly... that we need to "Stop!" If we don't attempt to help the people that need it, then the building (or the devil) will come crashing down on them and kill them. Shouldn't we at least Try to help them.
God has really spoke to me today through songs..through the messages at Fellowship Bible Church both this morning and this evening...through that video...that it just clicked**God is speaking. He is telling me that I need to serve. I mean sure I serve some but not like He has called me to serve. I can think of a thousand excuses not to because heaven forbid my work schedule allow anything else to be added to my life but that is just not a good excuse to use to not serve.
I remember about a month ago one Sunday morning in service Bro. Ken spoke of going to Nicaragua on a mission trip and that they needed a few more people to come along not to teach but to just love on the kids and do arts and crafts and things. God started stirring in my heart then. He was telling me 'Hey Sarah, you can and should totally do that!". But knowing that it was mid-semester, I disregarded this rumbling in my heart and didn't think more about going on this trip. I didn't even ask about it.
Well... He is still rumbling in my heart. Maybe not to Nicaragua in October but He is calling me to as Galatians 5:13 says 'You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.'
So now that I finally get the message...what do I do now?
If you know me, I am not very outspoken...I'm not one to lead much conversation. It's not that I am unable or unwilling. It is just my nature to listen and take in, to comfort, and to love more than to speak. Yes, I need to be more outspoken because quietness does turn some people away. Anywho, my point is that clearly I am not called to minister the word to the nations...but it doesn't mean that I can't show them that God loves every one of us! The past few years He has really taught me how to love better and more willingly to love everyone that comes into my life. However, He is still helping and teaching me to love without expecting love in return (that's the hard part).
1 Peter 4:10-11 says "As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God; whoever serves, let him do so as by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."
I don't know what this means for me...or for my future. I don't know if He wants me to stay at CBC forever or if He will send me elsewhere. I am not going to say that I am definitely going on or not going on a mission trip. I chose to not take that opportunity when He stirred in my heart to go and who knows if He will give me that urge again. But there are people to serve everywhere in this world even just down the street, in this dorm, in this state, and even in our church. I do not know what He holds for my life but I know I will serve Him until the day I die and He takes me home.
Matthew 24:36 says - “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."
My response is that I can only try not to use my daily life as an excuse to not listen when God speaks and calls me. I must keep listening and be open to all possibilities to serve Him, for Him, and through Him.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The devil whispers
It's been a month...I am slacking on my blogging....I've had a few days here and there that I had a lot I wanted to share but never got the time to actually sit down to do it.
Work at CBC has really been life consuming this past month. Cramming to finish all the housing stuff in order to get ready for move in.. was stressful but we knew God would be there to make it all come together. Then the kick off of school and activities and clubs...lots of work.
God blessed me with an AMAZING staff of RAs though. They are wonderful people and great Godly women! Yes, many of them I knew pretty good going into RA training but I learned so much more about them that week...about their heart! It just amazes me these wonderful college students and their walk with God. I wasn't bad when I was in college but I was no where near where they are! They blessed me so much just in the first week...it's going to be a great year! God is definitely working through these students whether they know it or not. His light is shining through them so brightly.
After praying so much for this semester, the students, and our jobs...the first week of school 2 people were saved. It also reopened my eyes to the fact that everyone we encounter in our lives don't own a bible. The 2 girls that were saved didn't...many people on each floor doesn't personally own a bible. So I was for sure that as a group, our faculty and staff had bibles they could donate so I sent out an email. It's amazing the bibles that rolled in and that were purchased. With these we can start with our students and hopefully (if approved) we would like to take what is left out to the streets to people in need. One of our chapel speakers, Dustin Wisely, mentioned that we can only argue and/or tell about our beliefs with people to a certain extent but the best defense..the best tool to sharing God is to share His word..to share the Bible.
This past few weeks even though I am working for a Christian college and surrounded by God daily, I feel like I've dug myself in a rut it seems. Concentrating on work and activities and these kids...not on me...not on God! I mean I haven't just gone savage...I pray daily in many situations and for many people. I just haven't been living to seek Him and to always study and strive to become closer to Him...I feel like I've dug myself in a rut of comfort. I know He's there kinda thing....I know He's working...I see Him moving in these kids as they are growing here...a comfort rut as to why-change-a-good-thing attitude.
I have a bad habit of setting Me aside and helping and making sure everyone else around me is ok and help i like to help work on them. Then my own problems, worries, fears, thoughts just constantly start building up in my mind preventing me from getting good rest when I actually have down time. Then the devil starts whispering in my ear telling me that I'm not good enough..that my friends don't really care (I know they do. It's the silent times when I'm alone that the devil whispers these things in my ear)..that if i can't keep/get my friends to love me then why would a man want to love me...that no one cares that i enjoy doing things for people(if they don't respond with even acting grateful, is it worth it?)...that I shouldnt be at a job that I am totally not qualified to do.
So I know that I should do this more often than when I'm hurting but...I embedded myself in scripture. God spoke directly through His word (even some common scriptures jumped out) which is what has helped me work through what's dwelling in my heart.
Verses that stood out:
Phillipians 4:13(For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength)
...and Proverbs 3:5 (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding)
...and Luke 6:35(...do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back...)
...and Isaiah 41:10(So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.)
...and of course Philippians 4:6-7(Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus!!)
...and we can't forget Romans 5:8(But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.)
Now you know the troubles in my heart.
At least one week out of the month, I beat myself up more..I listen harder to that devil whispering in my ear..I cry because I feel unworthy.
It's going to be ok though...because deep down I know that God already won this fight for us. I'm not worthy but He sent His son anyways. I just need to try harder to seek Him and to study His word daily..not just for inspirational purposes.
As a sinner...as a person falling to the feet of Christ asking from forgiveness yet again...as a friend, I ask for prayers not just for me but for everyone around us that the devil seems to be whispering to. For those who may not turn to His word for uplifting reminders. For everyone to be reminded that God has got our back. :) That even though we are not worthy of His love...He loves us anyways!
Thanks, I love you!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
To Save A Life
So tonight I watched this movie...Wow the message it holds.
Not only does it make me want to reach out to others more but it made me realize by reviewing my own life that transformation is possible whether you believe it when times are bad or not.
The good, the bad, and the ugly..it doesn't matter. God loves you....you just have to quit holding on to the things that are holding you back...that are holding you down. Sometimes we do need a little help with kick starting this...sometimes we just need a stranger to say hello and let us know that our life is worth living...sometimes we just need a friend to introduce us to God.
At the end of the movie this is the message that spoke many words to me and is really what I meant when I named my blog Journey....
Life is a journey not so much to a destination but a transformation. Transformation is tough and we dont always end up where we think we will. But we have to remember that even when we struggle to believe in Him..He always believes in us! He fills our life with purpose and passion if we just let Him. The best part of the journey is that the God of the universe sometimes allows us to play a part in changing the world.
I pray that one day I may help to save a life of someone that needs saving like the people in my life helped save me.
My challenge to myself and to anyone who reads this is to:
Reach out to others ....help save a life...help change the world...for God!
<3
Not only does it make me want to reach out to others more but it made me realize by reviewing my own life that transformation is possible whether you believe it when times are bad or not.
The good, the bad, and the ugly..it doesn't matter. God loves you....you just have to quit holding on to the things that are holding you back...that are holding you down. Sometimes we do need a little help with kick starting this...sometimes we just need a stranger to say hello and let us know that our life is worth living...sometimes we just need a friend to introduce us to God.
At the end of the movie this is the message that spoke many words to me and is really what I meant when I named my blog Journey....
Life is a journey not so much to a destination but a transformation. Transformation is tough and we dont always end up where we think we will. But we have to remember that even when we struggle to believe in Him..He always believes in us! He fills our life with purpose and passion if we just let Him. The best part of the journey is that the God of the universe sometimes allows us to play a part in changing the world.
I pray that one day I may help to save a life of someone that needs saving like the people in my life helped save me.
My challenge to myself and to anyone who reads this is to:
Reach out to others ....help save a life...help change the world...for God!
<3
Sunday, July 25, 2010
He Grew the Tree
A song I have never heard until today that someone quoted on facebook. The part she quoted really caught my attention because for some reason I have never thought about this.
The quote was
“He grew the tree, That He knew would be, Used to make the old rugged cross.”
I mean Wow! Sure The LORD created the heavens and the earth...
He knows all and He sent Jesus knowing that he would be crucified on the cross..a sacrifice for our sins and lives. I just never thought about God making that seed and growing that tree specifically...that one...that was made into the cross.
It is a great old hymn...I will attach all of the words for you to enjoy.
All I know to say is Thank You! Words can not express the pain you went through for to save us. That is why when I have a bad day or are going through trials, I remind myself that You never said this life was easy You just said that You would see us through it all.
I just wanted to blog as I dwell on the thought that God created every single thing. Not just me and you and the heavens and the earth..but every single thing in the heavens and the earth. He created that guy that hurt you...He created the bat that that child was beat with...He created vacation and beaches....He created the job that you lost...He created the deer that made you wreck your car...He created the guitar...He created beautiful birds...He created mosquitoes...He created all things...good and bad...sometimes, I believe, God takes us through the bad times and through a roller coaster ride in this life to make sure that we hold onto Him. To make sure that even in the bad times that we seek help in His word and His people to know that He will see us through and there is for sure a light at the end of that tunnel...the ride will one day come to an end...where all things are good and there is no pain. Until then...hold on and keep your head up looking to the heavens!
Yahweh...thank you for giving me life, for breathing breathe into me each day in which I can make it through another day. Thank you for songs like these and little reminders that you are the Almighty Creator Redeemer! ~ Amen
The quote was
“He grew the tree, That He knew would be, Used to make the old rugged cross.”
I mean Wow! Sure The LORD created the heavens and the earth...
He knows all and He sent Jesus knowing that he would be crucified on the cross..a sacrifice for our sins and lives. I just never thought about God making that seed and growing that tree specifically...that one...that was made into the cross.
It is a great old hymn...I will attach all of the words for you to enjoy.
HE MOLDED AND BUILT A SMALL LONELY HILL THAT HE KNEW WOULD BE CALLED CALVARY.
THEN HE MADE THE SEED THAT WOULD GROW TO BE THORNS THAT WOULD MAKE HIS SON BLEED.
THEN HE MADE A GREEN STEM GAVE IT LEAVES AND THEN GAVE IT SUNSHINE AND RAIN AND SHELTERED IT WITH MOSS.
HE GREW THE TREE HE KNEW WOULD BE USED TO MAKE THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.
WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES GOD LOOKED DOWN THROUGH TIME SAW HIM SPAT UPON REJECTED AND MOCKED.
STILL HE GREW THE TREE HE KNEW WOULD BE USED TO MAKE THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.
NOTHING TOOK HIS LIFE WITH LOVE HE GAVE IT.
HE WAS CRUCIFIED ON A TREE THAT HE CREATED.
WITH GREAT LOVE FOR MAN GOD GAVE WITH HIS PLAN.
HE GREW THE TREE SO THAT WE MIGHT GO FREE.
STILL HE GREW THE TREE HE KNEW WOULD BE USED TO MAKE THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.
All I know to say is Thank You! Words can not express the pain you went through for to save us. That is why when I have a bad day or are going through trials, I remind myself that You never said this life was easy You just said that You would see us through it all.
I just wanted to blog as I dwell on the thought that God created every single thing. Not just me and you and the heavens and the earth..but every single thing in the heavens and the earth. He created that guy that hurt you...He created the bat that that child was beat with...He created vacation and beaches....He created the job that you lost...He created the deer that made you wreck your car...He created the guitar...He created beautiful birds...He created mosquitoes...He created all things...good and bad...sometimes, I believe, God takes us through the bad times and through a roller coaster ride in this life to make sure that we hold onto Him. To make sure that even in the bad times that we seek help in His word and His people to know that He will see us through and there is for sure a light at the end of that tunnel...the ride will one day come to an end...where all things are good and there is no pain. Until then...hold on and keep your head up looking to the heavens!
Yahweh...thank you for giving me life, for breathing breathe into me each day in which I can make it through another day. Thank you for songs like these and little reminders that you are the Almighty Creator Redeemer! ~ Amen
Sunday, July 11, 2010
a quote
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
One thing I hate about myself is that I keep my mouth shut too much. It hurts so much to know that I may not be living my life to the fullest because of this. Bc I'm being silent. I just hate to think that I may not be doing all that i can to live the life God wants for me because I refuse to open and share and speak up.
It also bothers me that every time I have a headache, i am reminded that i may be avoiding treatment of something serious and may end up having an anourism in my brain and could die tomorrow. I really don't think it is that extreme. But what if it was. I hate the thought of leaving this world when I could do so much more to serve God on this earth and haven't. I hate the thought of leaving this world with not ever having true love and that my closed mouth may be part of the cause of this. My silence is truly a burden in my eyes and this quote intensifies it.
Sure it's easy to fret on something that can't easily be changed. It is part of who I am and yes this is just a quote (someone's opinion) and yes it's that time of month so my emotions are higher and i'm more sensitive...just caused a lot of emotions this morning and had to get it off my chest.
Friday, July 2, 2010
My OMP Story
I could write on this subject forever!
OMP = Ozark Mission Project
This camp/mission project was a big part of my renewal in Christ 3 years ago!
Where do I begin...
Ok...well to know how I stumbled upon OMP, I guess I better give you the background story and then I'll come back to OMP.
Just a little over 3 1/2 years ago I had decided to turn my life around after I felt like I was scraping rock bottom. I made a few friends that were old enough to be my mother that were more like angels sent from above. They helped me sooo much just by being who they were which was strong Godly women. I craved their presence often because the light of God shined through them so much that I wanted to be around that.
I thought to myself...Man, I want what they have...so I started off by trying out their church. They didn't invite me. I just had heard them talk of it and thought well maybe that's where they got their light. So I started to attending Fellowship Bible Church. I was so amazed by the atmosphere. I grew up a Southern Baptist girl and women didn't pray or rarely speak in church...just sang pretty much. What I had in my mind church was, I just didn't realize wasn't all churches (maybe I was in my own little box). I thought church was when the pastor stood up there and got all worked up and yelled and called us all sinners and made us feel like we are all worthless (which we are and I'm not saying this is wrong). This kind of preaching just scared me and didn't give me much hope as a child. Even saved as an 8 year old girl, I'm pretty sure I did it because I was scared not to.
Fellowship has taught me and is still teaching me sooo much. I feel like every time I go it is a learning experience. Our pastor is very smart and has a few degrees and used to teach Hebrew and other religious classes at a college. It is almost like Sunday school for adults (for me anyways). I love it and have truly grown in the Word of God because of this church.
sssscccceeert....ok back on track...
Sorry I'm new to blogging...I could've wrote a whole blog on church and a whole blog on my renewal then a blog on OMP but what fun is that. lol
Anywho, Paige and Alicia (the women I was talking about earlier) were always talking, laughing, and telling stories about OMP. I always thought it sounded like a fun experience even though I didn't really know what it really was. They kept mentioning that I should go. So I decided that I wanted to go. Fellowship, however, didn't need me as a Driver/adult camper. It was suppose to be one driver per 4 youth and Fellowship only had 8 youth interested in going to OMP. BUT I hooked up with a nearby church that was going to the same camp as Fellowship and was a driver for them. So when you get there everyone is split up and split into family groups..there is a Driver/Adult camper then they get 4 random youth that if things work out no one in your family already knows each other. This becomes your family for the week which you do everything with. As a family you are also given a mission project for the day/days/week. So here I am 25 years old responsible for 4 teenagers. It was an experience for sure leading these youth through a mission project. They were great though! We had a blast! It's where God was showing me how to be a leader for Him which was a great experience for me.
This camp taught me a lot and really opened my eyes! I was just AMAZED to see sooo many teenagers filled with the Spirit and freely talk about God. I just don't remember seeing that EVER in my youth. My youth wasn't bad. I just wasn't surrounded by a lot of Godly people. My Granny Grace Gaines was pretty much the only true Godly person that was in my life as I was growing up. My friends even the ones that went to church didn't speak of it outside of church.
So I was just baffled by this. The nightly sharing sessions and then worship just brought tears to my eyes. At that camp 3 years ago I rededicated my life to Christ. I confessed to Him that as a sinner I have brought Him into and out of my life whenever I felt it to be convenient and depending on who I was hanging out with at the time. I asked Him to take it all away and just fill the hole that had been in my heart. It was awesome and the week only got better. :)
After leaving that camp, I was changed. I had decided that I was changing my life for Him. I wanted to live a life that was what He wanted me to do. I didn't want the only social part of my life to consist of sinning. I didn't want to dred going home from a job I hated to a house full of sin where I barely felt safe in the confinments of my own room with the door closed. I didn't want friends that only wanted to hang out with me if it consisted of some sort of sinning. I knew it was going to be hard to change all of these things but I was determined to do it.
So, I took a second job at CBC, bought a house and moved, pretty much removed all my friends from my life, and worked hard at becoming closer to Christ because after all of that it seemed like He was all that was left. It was hard! I kept learning and kept growing closer to Him though. I was exhausted working 2 jobs but I loved CBC and the parks job I hated it but it paid the bills. A lot of change took place in my life and I made a lot of new wonderful friends. Time flew by.
Last year after not knowing if I would be able to go to OMP or not, I thought that I would just sign up to be on the volunteer staff because I really wanted OMP to be a part of my life from now on and wanted to assure that I could go. When Nancy (the head OMP lady) called to see if I was still interested in working with OMP, I told her my situation was that I really wanted to work at the same camp that Fellowship was attending just so I could still share the experience with my wonderful friends and the youth of my church. She gladly agreed that it was a good idea and signed me up for Activities Director. That was conveniently appropriate since activities directing is really where I feel my passion has been work-wise. So I took a week of vacation and went. It was a lot of work! I felt like I was running around everywhere and not getting the same spiritual experience that I did the year before. BUT it was just different. I didn't just get to see how my little family experienced God throughout the day. I got to see it in many families. I didn't have my own bc I was on staff so I got to travel around and help out lots of families with their mission projects and got to hang out with all the kids. :) It was another good experience! I was also grateful that we had a hard working fun and intelligent staff as well. I really enjoyed working for them and the director of the camp (Bud) even asked me to join his crew the next summer. I agreed bc I knew I'd be working with another great staff if he was directing.
God continued to work in my life...changes in me and my life constantly took place. After camp in 2009, I was asked to be the new Resident Director for CBC's girls dorm. I mean sure my first instinct was wow that would be fun. I always loved working with residence life when I lived on campus in college. But seeing that I hadn't even been in my new house for an entire year yet, I declined. 3 weeks went by and they came to me again asking me to consider this position. They even told me to take a few weeks or a month and think about it. So I prayed..and prayed..and prayed. I really felt like God was telling me to take it. If I took it that would get me out of the job I hated, but would take me away from the house I just bought. I just couldnt deny how I felt God leading me to work at Central Baptist College. So I did it. God has used me and changed me and developed me and strenghtened me even more since I have taken the job. I am so pleased to be working for Him every day. :)
This summer at OMP...WOW! God, I tell you what...You never cease to amaze me!
Yes, I was on staff again as the Activities Director for the camp that Mr. Bud was directing and that my wonderful Fellowship buddies were attending. I guess I had learned how to juggle work and still get a good experience a little better than the previous year. First of all I knew it was going to be a great week after meeting the college staff and other volunteer staff. They were all so pleasant, easy going, and filled with Christ's love. I felt so at home with them. It took a few days for them to grow on me more and I to them I'm sure. I can't even explain how amazingly wonderful prayer warriors these people are. At night we would have bible studies and prayer circle and everyone prayed from the deepest part of their heart! They made me a better pray-er. Usually I tend to just say my silent prayer and signal the person next to me to go ahead and pray aloud. As something I knew I need to work on and confront and change, I prayed out loud with my fellow staffers every night and even though it wasn't strong like their prayers seemed to be; it came from my heart. There were tears, hugs, and smiles in those nightly meetings. I truly enjoyed it and miss it.
Not only was the staff great but the campers were as well. It was so fun to see God working in them. Even the adult campers! The every day challenges, conflicts, and things brought them together. They were opening up more the first day than I had seen at either of the other camps I had been to. God started to move in them. Tuesday, we had a few come to Christ and accept Him in their lives. Then, the next night we had many renewed in their faith....adults, campers, heck even me. :) GOD USED ME to renew a camper that night. I didn't know/think that I was ready to witness to anyone because I still feel like I am learning and changing in Him but it didn't matter what I thought. That's what he wanted me to do and it was like I knew that's what I had to do. So I did it. Right before that I really felt God moving in me through the music and after listening to my new friend who had given her testimony that night I was holding back tears. It was overwhelming..then God used me to help that camper overcome her struggles and become renewed in Christ. Afterwards I just needed a hug. So I went straight to Paige and just hugged her and didn't let go for a while. She has truly been a blessing in my life. She helped lead me back to Christ. She helped, listened, and counseled me through some of my hard times and helped me celebrate the good. That's why sometimes I tend to run to her when something happens. She's a very good friend and has truly been an angel sent from God!
Anywho, the week only got better and I watched God move in one of the young adult campers as well that I knew He was changing and renewing like He renewed me a few years ago. I regret not telling her that.
By the end of the week, I had made some amazing new friends and was overflowing with joy of the change God had brought to us. He had truly showed up and showed off for sure!
I was sad to go to face the world and I questioned myself why I only did just one of these wonderful camps each summer. I can't wait for next year! Until then I am trying to keep my momentum of change in my life and encouraging it in others.
I am thankful God has transformed me from the Inside Out!
Maybe you're next....
;)
OMP = Ozark Mission Project
This camp/mission project was a big part of my renewal in Christ 3 years ago!
Where do I begin...
Ok...well to know how I stumbled upon OMP, I guess I better give you the background story and then I'll come back to OMP.
Just a little over 3 1/2 years ago I had decided to turn my life around after I felt like I was scraping rock bottom. I made a few friends that were old enough to be my mother that were more like angels sent from above. They helped me sooo much just by being who they were which was strong Godly women. I craved their presence often because the light of God shined through them so much that I wanted to be around that.
I thought to myself...Man, I want what they have...so I started off by trying out their church. They didn't invite me. I just had heard them talk of it and thought well maybe that's where they got their light. So I started to attending Fellowship Bible Church. I was so amazed by the atmosphere. I grew up a Southern Baptist girl and women didn't pray or rarely speak in church...just sang pretty much. What I had in my mind church was, I just didn't realize wasn't all churches (maybe I was in my own little box). I thought church was when the pastor stood up there and got all worked up and yelled and called us all sinners and made us feel like we are all worthless (which we are and I'm not saying this is wrong). This kind of preaching just scared me and didn't give me much hope as a child. Even saved as an 8 year old girl, I'm pretty sure I did it because I was scared not to.
Fellowship has taught me and is still teaching me sooo much. I feel like every time I go it is a learning experience. Our pastor is very smart and has a few degrees and used to teach Hebrew and other religious classes at a college. It is almost like Sunday school for adults (for me anyways). I love it and have truly grown in the Word of God because of this church.
sssscccceeert....ok back on track...
Sorry I'm new to blogging...I could've wrote a whole blog on church and a whole blog on my renewal then a blog on OMP but what fun is that. lol
Anywho, Paige and Alicia (the women I was talking about earlier) were always talking, laughing, and telling stories about OMP. I always thought it sounded like a fun experience even though I didn't really know what it really was. They kept mentioning that I should go. So I decided that I wanted to go. Fellowship, however, didn't need me as a Driver/adult camper. It was suppose to be one driver per 4 youth and Fellowship only had 8 youth interested in going to OMP. BUT I hooked up with a nearby church that was going to the same camp as Fellowship and was a driver for them. So when you get there everyone is split up and split into family groups..there is a Driver/Adult camper then they get 4 random youth that if things work out no one in your family already knows each other. This becomes your family for the week which you do everything with. As a family you are also given a mission project for the day/days/week. So here I am 25 years old responsible for 4 teenagers. It was an experience for sure leading these youth through a mission project. They were great though! We had a blast! It's where God was showing me how to be a leader for Him which was a great experience for me.
This camp taught me a lot and really opened my eyes! I was just AMAZED to see sooo many teenagers filled with the Spirit and freely talk about God. I just don't remember seeing that EVER in my youth. My youth wasn't bad. I just wasn't surrounded by a lot of Godly people. My Granny Grace Gaines was pretty much the only true Godly person that was in my life as I was growing up. My friends even the ones that went to church didn't speak of it outside of church.
So I was just baffled by this. The nightly sharing sessions and then worship just brought tears to my eyes. At that camp 3 years ago I rededicated my life to Christ. I confessed to Him that as a sinner I have brought Him into and out of my life whenever I felt it to be convenient and depending on who I was hanging out with at the time. I asked Him to take it all away and just fill the hole that had been in my heart. It was awesome and the week only got better. :)
After leaving that camp, I was changed. I had decided that I was changing my life for Him. I wanted to live a life that was what He wanted me to do. I didn't want the only social part of my life to consist of sinning. I didn't want to dred going home from a job I hated to a house full of sin where I barely felt safe in the confinments of my own room with the door closed. I didn't want friends that only wanted to hang out with me if it consisted of some sort of sinning. I knew it was going to be hard to change all of these things but I was determined to do it.
So, I took a second job at CBC, bought a house and moved, pretty much removed all my friends from my life, and worked hard at becoming closer to Christ because after all of that it seemed like He was all that was left. It was hard! I kept learning and kept growing closer to Him though. I was exhausted working 2 jobs but I loved CBC and the parks job I hated it but it paid the bills. A lot of change took place in my life and I made a lot of new wonderful friends. Time flew by.
Last year after not knowing if I would be able to go to OMP or not, I thought that I would just sign up to be on the volunteer staff because I really wanted OMP to be a part of my life from now on and wanted to assure that I could go. When Nancy (the head OMP lady) called to see if I was still interested in working with OMP, I told her my situation was that I really wanted to work at the same camp that Fellowship was attending just so I could still share the experience with my wonderful friends and the youth of my church. She gladly agreed that it was a good idea and signed me up for Activities Director. That was conveniently appropriate since activities directing is really where I feel my passion has been work-wise. So I took a week of vacation and went. It was a lot of work! I felt like I was running around everywhere and not getting the same spiritual experience that I did the year before. BUT it was just different. I didn't just get to see how my little family experienced God throughout the day. I got to see it in many families. I didn't have my own bc I was on staff so I got to travel around and help out lots of families with their mission projects and got to hang out with all the kids. :) It was another good experience! I was also grateful that we had a hard working fun and intelligent staff as well. I really enjoyed working for them and the director of the camp (Bud) even asked me to join his crew the next summer. I agreed bc I knew I'd be working with another great staff if he was directing.
God continued to work in my life...changes in me and my life constantly took place. After camp in 2009, I was asked to be the new Resident Director for CBC's girls dorm. I mean sure my first instinct was wow that would be fun. I always loved working with residence life when I lived on campus in college. But seeing that I hadn't even been in my new house for an entire year yet, I declined. 3 weeks went by and they came to me again asking me to consider this position. They even told me to take a few weeks or a month and think about it. So I prayed..and prayed..and prayed. I really felt like God was telling me to take it. If I took it that would get me out of the job I hated, but would take me away from the house I just bought. I just couldnt deny how I felt God leading me to work at Central Baptist College. So I did it. God has used me and changed me and developed me and strenghtened me even more since I have taken the job. I am so pleased to be working for Him every day. :)
This summer at OMP...WOW! God, I tell you what...You never cease to amaze me!
Yes, I was on staff again as the Activities Director for the camp that Mr. Bud was directing and that my wonderful Fellowship buddies were attending. I guess I had learned how to juggle work and still get a good experience a little better than the previous year. First of all I knew it was going to be a great week after meeting the college staff and other volunteer staff. They were all so pleasant, easy going, and filled with Christ's love. I felt so at home with them. It took a few days for them to grow on me more and I to them I'm sure. I can't even explain how amazingly wonderful prayer warriors these people are. At night we would have bible studies and prayer circle and everyone prayed from the deepest part of their heart! They made me a better pray-er. Usually I tend to just say my silent prayer and signal the person next to me to go ahead and pray aloud. As something I knew I need to work on and confront and change, I prayed out loud with my fellow staffers every night and even though it wasn't strong like their prayers seemed to be; it came from my heart. There were tears, hugs, and smiles in those nightly meetings. I truly enjoyed it and miss it.
Not only was the staff great but the campers were as well. It was so fun to see God working in them. Even the adult campers! The every day challenges, conflicts, and things brought them together. They were opening up more the first day than I had seen at either of the other camps I had been to. God started to move in them. Tuesday, we had a few come to Christ and accept Him in their lives. Then, the next night we had many renewed in their faith....adults, campers, heck even me. :) GOD USED ME to renew a camper that night. I didn't know/think that I was ready to witness to anyone because I still feel like I am learning and changing in Him but it didn't matter what I thought. That's what he wanted me to do and it was like I knew that's what I had to do. So I did it. Right before that I really felt God moving in me through the music and after listening to my new friend who had given her testimony that night I was holding back tears. It was overwhelming..then God used me to help that camper overcome her struggles and become renewed in Christ. Afterwards I just needed a hug. So I went straight to Paige and just hugged her and didn't let go for a while. She has truly been a blessing in my life. She helped lead me back to Christ. She helped, listened, and counseled me through some of my hard times and helped me celebrate the good. That's why sometimes I tend to run to her when something happens. She's a very good friend and has truly been an angel sent from God!
Anywho, the week only got better and I watched God move in one of the young adult campers as well that I knew He was changing and renewing like He renewed me a few years ago. I regret not telling her that.
By the end of the week, I had made some amazing new friends and was overflowing with joy of the change God had brought to us. He had truly showed up and showed off for sure!
I was sad to go to face the world and I questioned myself why I only did just one of these wonderful camps each summer. I can't wait for next year! Until then I am trying to keep my momentum of change in my life and encouraging it in others.
I am thankful God has transformed me from the Inside Out!
Maybe you're next....
;)
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